i want to rot

i genuinely dont want to be better right now. i want to rot, i want to hate myself, and i want to deal with it. i want to get things over with and be apathetic about it. 
maybe things will hurt less then
maybe i wont have to be so stressed all the time if i know it doeant truly matter
because im rotting anyways

if i dont feel the need to have a decent future, i dont have to care about this. i dont have to be stressed. i can rot and be content and regretful about everything. 
i need to stop caring, and im halfway there.
i want to go through life dazed and unconscious, i dont want to be with myself for this long. 
i want to rot

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