Saturn Sprout

 i dont wish i was dead. i just wish life was less miserable. life is entirely miserable, i absolutely enjoy a lot of things. the only miserable thing is the systems people created. im cool with their cultures and food and humor and things, though. i just hate the government. lol back to the cia thing, i hope this doesnt make the cia guy think i shouldnt work for the government! lmao im not sure why im making this post. im bored, and putting off studying for my exams. i feel like a mess, and giving up sounds sooooo good.  i think im the most aware person on the planet, im not. im just as delusional as everyone else, school is hard

 God i am so fucking depressing. my entire life i have spent in and out and in and out of depressive episodes and I I am donnneeeeee with this fucking cycle. i hate my fucking brain, and I hate the fucking world, and I don't think anything is going to change that honestly? which is a sad fact. I'm high right now, typing this, so I might sound like a maniac.... thank god for Grammarly, you can properly understand my speech!!! typing actually.... yeahhhhhhh anyways: I'm done with my cycle. of never changing. i cant be that a stupid fucking fourth grader anymore man, like why cant I turn a signal thing in on time??????????? also I constantly sabatoge myself. CNSTANTLY. and now that I'm "grown up" and a big cool teenager, I have drugs now!! to help me sabatoge myself in new and FUN ways!!!!!!! omg I'm being so silly rrrrnnnn. im high as fuck.\ OH SHIT!!!! IF I TRYING TO WORK FOR THE CIA, THEY WILL FIND THIS IN THEIR BACKGROUND CHECK. I HOPE I DO, AND SOME GUY ...